Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
should my penis look like a turkey
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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