Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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