and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
