He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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