thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
