I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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