the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
