my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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