I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
