I cockslap morals
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
