I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
