sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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