I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
