Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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