so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
