hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize