Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
