guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
