i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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