the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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