I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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