my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
