porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sext me about skeletons
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
