You can't motorboat a personality
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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