Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize