my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize