you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
