saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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