Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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