I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
