I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
