yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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