Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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