the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize