SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
