maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
