I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
