Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
