It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
