i already hear my dad disowning me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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