sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
