i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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