for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize