That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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