Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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