??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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