i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
