I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
