I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
