ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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