i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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