Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
soo... how was my night?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
