I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
