i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
