Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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