i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
