You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
