I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
