Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
