This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize