the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
