I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think my vagina is haunted
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
