So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
