the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
